Happy Birthday, mama bear!

Four years ago, I met a dear friend. She transforms my view of the world on a daily basis. And not once have I ever doubted the love, support and strength of our friendship. It's a beautiful thing, really.

November 17th is her birthday and 2015 is her year of celebration. To celebrate such a special friend and honor this extraordinary woman, here are three life lessons she's taught me over the years. My hope is that you too will benefit from these lessons...and one day, meet mama bear :)

1. Put your people first.

The relationships we have are the most prized possessions that exist in our lives. Always prioritize your people before any to-do list item. Visit them. Support them. Love them. Cherish your people.

2. See the potential.

When we see people or an idea brimming with potential, we need to pounce on it. Let's avoid getting too caught up in our own tunnel-vision and see the potential--that's where the magic happens. Focus on the strengths of those surrounding you and it will all fall into place.

3. Always pack snacks. 

Going to the movies? Having an afternoon meeting? Folding laundry? Traveling to another country? Brushing your hair? Always have snacks on hand. Too much food beats hunger-induced anger any day. 

Have an amazing day, Hales!

To the moon and back,

Mary

In Work and Play

September 2015. It's fair to say that work and play are very much intertwined in my world. Some of my biggest life moments have been shared with my colleagues. Hugs and personal notes are at the heart of my job description. And it's a rare day if I'm not thinking about work 20 hours a day. Yes, even in dreams (or in the case of waking up last Tuesday thinking I was flying to India, nightmares). Yet it still comes as a surprise when I realize I'm not practicing what I preach, in my own life.

June 2011. After college, it was a shock to my system not to have hours of physical activity each day. I needed something simple and cheap to stay in shape, and running was it! With road races gaining popularity, I jumped on the bandwagon. Having learned in college that endurance, not speed, is my forte, I signed up for my first 10k in October 2011--the longest distance I'd ever run. From there, I gave myself a year to work up to a full marathon. Quickly, I came to define achievement by how many miles I logged. 

During work trips, we support local teams to manage a child-focused camp program, and we share a four-part model, sometimes referred to as the 'TR model.'  Standing for therapeutic recreation, the TR model is an on-going cycle of challenge>success>reflection>discovery, used to intentionally frame an activity. To give independence and control to the child, we emphasize 'challenge by choice,' which most simply means the child chooses his/her level and type of challenge or activity, based on his/her goals and comfort levels.

About three months ago, I signed up to run the New Haven Road Race and fundraise for Girls on the Run, a youth development program for young girls. Presented with the choice of either the 20k or 5k, I signed up for the 20k and was excited to build out my training program. I even wanted to try a new 4-day per week running schedule, so I did! My fundraising goal had a minimum of $250, which I felt was feasible, and I had the option of increasing my goal. Choices made. Challenges accepted.

The second part of the TR model is success. When training camp staff, we explain that being focused on the child means giving the child the opportunity to define success on his/her own terms. And if a specific goal was set and not met, child-focused means staying focused on the child (not the goal) and helping him/her see where success did occur. Goals change, and with that, so does success.

Nine days before race day, I found myself on a run with a nagging tightness in my right foot and no confidence in my body to run a 20k. First thought--get over it, run the 20k, deal with the discomfort. The other option is the 5k, and that distance is not a enough of a personal challenge. Sun rises again and I'm out for a late afternoon run. On Edgehill Road, about 3 miles from home, I check my watch:  26 minutes. Hmm, another challenge is born. If I can do a training run in 26 minutes, why can't I clock 23 in a race? Choice made. New challenge accepted. Success redefined.

One of my favorite 'pep-talk' quotes is from Steve Prefontaine, former Oregon duck, American record-holder and Olympic runner:  'I run best when I run free.' Thanks to the good 'ol TR model, I'll be running free this weekend. Free of a challenge I'm not comfortable with, and free from defining my success merely by distance. I suppose it's not always a bad thing that work is on my mind...

Listen and see the beauty of the world around you

Good things happen when you listen. 

Over the past couple weeks, I have had the pleasure of listening to two story-telling seven year olds, a comical culinary-lover from West Haven, an enthusiastic Cambodian entrepreneur and a rediscovered local musician. 

On the MTA train to New York, there was an excitable group of two families, six children. Eavesdropping on their playful banter, I overheard one of the older boys say to another, 'Are we going to go south, all the way to Mexico and then South America?' After giving much thought to his own contribution, the other boy says, 'all the way to ancient Egypt. I hope I don't die. I'll be like 20 thousand billion years old by the time we get to ancient Egypt.' Listen and be inspired by imagination, to tell a captivating story.

In the car en route to the airport, my friendly driver immediately struck up conversation. Some days I have zero interest in conversing but this time there was too much excitement in this man's voice to ignore. He had stopped at a local eatery and was commenting on the delicious side dishes he ordered. From there he dove straight into his culinary feats--shrimp gumbo, potato crisp-dipped sole, and a reaaaal good steak, so good that it's 'how he gets the ladies.'  Listen, acquire new recipes and let someone's enthusiasm brighten your day.

While in the lobby of my hotel on my third day in Phnom Penh, I was chatting with the owner. Recently back from the US after living in New York and DC for a combined 11 years, he had opened the hotel only 6 months ago, in January. A former diplomat working for the UN, he wanted to come home to his family and test his knowledge and experience in a new field. We laughed about the intense, high-strung style of NYC and shared our love for warm climates--his, Cambodia; mine, not winter. Listen and connect with the people you meet.

A rare occasion for me, I pulled up the lyrics of a song as I was listening to spotify. The song was by Chadwick Stokes, a member of the former band Dispatch. He has a single titled 'New Haven' and the familiarity of that city name caught my attention, as did the lyrics. Listen and let a song carry you 'home.'

Next time you're in line rushing to get your morning cup of coffee, listen. Next time you're walking or taking public transit, take out the earbuds and listen. Or, put in the earbuds and listen :) Next time you're on skype catching up with a friend, listen. Next time you're on the phone with your mother, listen. 

And enjoy.

When the slaps of my Sauconies match the ukulele strums of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow,' I can't deny it.

I've felt out of sorts lately. We all have those days, weeks, months...

In trying to work myself out of the funk, the word 'harmony' kept crossing my mind. I'm lacking harmony. Nothing feels right. Back and forth, an imaginary aerial banner. Harmony. But what is it? It's one of those words that is better defined by feelings than by words. Before becoming obsessive about it, I decided to let it be and promised myself to just make a mental note whenever I felt good on the inside. 

Days and weeks passed. Sleep. Coffee. Phone calls. Reports. Family time. Runs. Skype calls. Spreadsheets. Dinners. Errands. Netflix. Magazines. Emails. I took note.

A general goal of mine is to not be defined by one thing; one activity, one perspective, one moment. And I definitely don't want to come across as someone who is intimidating or puts pressure on others. So I try not to talk about or encourage running too much...

As the days and weeks passed, there were many mental notes on days I caught up with friends and family, and on running days. But for the reasons listed above, I disregarded running and forged ahead to find that harmony!

We all have those people in our lives who frequently know us better than we know ourselves. Well, one of 'those' people recently reminded me that running makes both of us healthier, happier, more productive and positive. True.

It is hard to deny a proven fact. And the fact is, running makes me feel good inside. When I'm up early, in the zone with reggae beats in my ears, or running alongside a good pal, I'm at peace. Head, heart, arms, legs all feel like one machine. Running is where I find my harmony.

Just this morning, I was at the Girls on the Run 5K in Hamden, a celebration of a team of girls, coaches, and their 3 month season together. The 5K is an achievement for every girl and every running buddy, no matter what. Maybe all 100 girls and running buddies will continue running and add miles and miles to their legs. Or maybe some will wake up tomorrow morning, proud of their accomplishment and ready to return to their hockey team, go to their cello lesson, read the latest J.K. Rowling book, take their dog for a walk, or find a new hobby. Girls on the Run is not about running. It's about empowering and helping each other find our own harmony. It's about being different, together.

And running isn't about moving my legs quickly. It's about setting and working towards a continuous goal. It's about celebrating the little and big achievements. Its about clearing the excess thoughts that clutter my mind. Its about smiling. It's about being at peace. It's about feeling happy. It's about discovering my harmony, over and over again.

So I guess running doesn't define me by one thing...

How do boats steady themselves in changing currents?

Inspiration grabs hold of your emotions and makes a deep connection. Maybe it leads to motivation. Or maybe it's a simple gift of mindfulness or happiness. 

Over the last few months, I've been inspired by two dear friends. Their natural talent to sculpt fragments of daily life into linguistic masterpieces has left me laughing out loud, tingling with joy and then shaking my head in amazement. Together, they have given me the gifts of mindfulness and happiness. They also have impeccable timing...

Change has been on my mind lately--why it's a struggle and how to embrace it. If you've ever been around me during a transition--like starting kindergarten, losing nine straight basketball games in college, or simply altering the daily routine that I am so.very.content with--you are likely well aware that coping with change can be a lengthy process for me.

It's fair to say I've exerted too much mental energy on the 'struggle' lately and I should be focusing on honing my 'embracing techniques.' It has been an enlightening exercise nonetheless. Many changes have felt like trudging through muck because the grass was green before the muck. Life was good! And when things are good, why would you want them to change?! Here comes the first 'embracing technique:  If things were good, they can be more good (grammatically correct version:  they can be better!)

Through a series of random moments, most recently driving in the car, I was reminded that change isn't complicated. However, it can easily be made complicated; something I'm no stranger to. So for the second 'embracing technique,' I give you:  celebrate the simple joys when in transition. Whether it's feeling like Peter Pan floating to Never Never Land while driving through the fog, or conquering a hill on a rainy run, I try to let the simple joy bring a smile, and let the smile bring a positive perspective. Releasing the worries--that oldie but goodie image of a sailboat floating away, the letters of my written worries bobbing up and down with the mast.

Now, sometimes it's overwhelming to manage all the worries, emotions and thoughts racing through my head during a change. Inspired by lyrics from Heathers' Forget Me Knots, 'it's alright not to feel okay, ' I've allowed myself to let the cycle of good and bad days run it's course. It's okay to have bad days. Running has definitely helped manage this cycle. Fresh air combined with a physical, thoughtless, mind-freeing activity--really, it's a win-win. 

Back to the boat metaphors...

Tides of the ocean change all the time. Boats travel across oceans. How do boats steady themselves in changing currents? An anchor! My anchors are my people, my values and my commitments, and  I've found it's much easier to embrace change when I focus on them.

Becs and Dano, thanks for the inspiration. The song from the wedding speaks the truth:

Why let your voice be tamed?

Maybe we're a little different

There's no need to be ashamed

You've got the light to fight the shadows

I'm glad I finally gathered the motivation to write.

grateful for all you anchors out there :)